mens hair: Ladies and Gents, your opinion please on this information?

Is she being too hard on him? Asking too much? Insatiable?

I'm gonna break this one down for you, because I used to BE that guy.

How does this happen?

The guy, good as he is, has a burning desire to excel and provide. He has lots of pressure. A man's job becomes his identity, as well as a source of validation. Now he has the GF living with him, he doesn't have to hunt anymore, that part of his life is squared away (he thinks). Also when living together, much of the excitement backs off, giving way to mundane everyday life, which is often just fine to a guy, and looks normal, just like it was when he was single. The one thing he did like to do, HUNT, is off the table. Often, the daily conflicts of life may also leave him offended or distant, especially if she accuses him of not doing enough, and claims her unhappiness with him. Massively frustrating to the guy, and upsetting.

The Result-

Things are out of balance. He is overly tired and doesn't know how to satisfy this seemingly ungrateful girl. He loses inspiration to try, as well. He doesn't understand why she can't just be happy, and she doesn't understand what happened to the fun guy she fell in love with. Her friends call her a fool and she doubts herself, because this is a situation most girls would be thrilled with- good guy, good dad, good provider. Passion is absent, and then when the sex does happen, it isn't like it used to be, given the boredom and resentment that exists now. She wants to go out, or talk, but all his energy and words are already spent, and she is now a pain in the *** to him. She is resentful because something else is getting that energy, and therefore feels like she is not real important to him. (for the record, for a woman to know that nothing is more important in her man's life than her is the one key thing she needs more than anything else) She doesn't want him 24/7, she just wants her share of him. It is non-negotiable, she must have it.

The Solution-

Bad news, dude. You have become mediocre. Boring. If she stays, she will feel like she settled, and may disrespect you for this constantly. You are also hurting her with rejection, though you don't mean to. I know it sounds stupid to you, she shouldn't feel that, but she DOES! The first thing to do is get in balance. Jobs come and go, money comes and goes. Even kids grow up and move out. Therefore, SHE comes first, if you want it to last. You want to spend every inch of your energy making that dollar and leave none for your woman and expect her to be cool with it? If she loves you, she would trade all the benefits of your killer job just to get YOU. She needs your focused attention. NEEDS it. If you don't give it, she will feel unloved, unimportant, rejected, needs not met. She practically has no choice in staying, you are packaging her up and sending her away. And if she truly can't leave, her dissatisfaction may turn into cruelty.

THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR FOCUSED ATTENTION AND TIME!

You may want to resent her for getting in the way of your career and income, but that's crap. If you are all about the career, fine. Pour all your time and energy into it. Just don't expect a relationship. You can't have BOTH, unless you are willing to balance and make sacrifices in both areas. If you don't tend to a fire, and feed it fuel, it will go out. It was hot, but now cold ashes. Same with your girl. If you don't tend to her, the fire will go out.

Date her. Seduce her. Forever.

Not only does she need that, but she will be the happiest woman alive if she gets it.

If you show up to work occasionally, and do a half-assed job, you will be fired. And that is exactly what is happening here, what you are doing to your WOMAN. Relationships are work, they COST, and if you can't afford it, you're toast. Cut things away until you get in balance. LISTEN to her when she says what she needs. If you don't understand, ask her- "what does that look like?" So she can describe it. Here's a few tips- get off early and take her to lunch. Go shoot pool at night with her. Make some simple sandwiches and take her for a walk around the lake. Shut the TV off and read to her. Then discuss what you read. Take her to a comedy club. Write her a sweet note. Brush her hair. Exercise together. You don't have to paint the town red, but you do need to take her OUT of the house. She doesn't want you to burn up cash on her, it is a poor substitute. She needs a CONNECTION. And if you are too tired to 'bring it' in bed, take better care of your health. Quit drinking and smoking. Take vitamins. She knows you CAN, because you used to. That means you just WON'T, hence her feelings of rejection. You just won't bother. If it is already like this, she knows that marrying you is only going to be worse. Handle this, at all costs. Your tired mediocre bullsh*t is not going to cut it, and you will lose her.

Oh, and one more thing- she thinks she shouldn't have to tell you. She may not know how to tell you. But she really wants you to know. She loves you, and is dying for you to see. She wants to feel like you are a leader, and if she has to twist your arm, you will both resent that. Step up and take charge of your relationship, and have some passion. LOTS of passion. Women cannot live without it. You shouldn't want to either.

TO THE WOMAN-

Start with some mercy. If you are harsh with him at this point, you are only making it worse. You feel distant already, and he will distance himself more if you disrespect him. Men often have a 'slim-to-none' level of relationship awareness. That doesn't mean he sucks, it just means he needs to learn. Oh I know you think he should know this, but he doesn't. OK, so you are together now, who will teach him? You are going to have to. Teach him how to love you. Show him what it looks like. Deal in logic. Don't let your frustration sabotage you with hurtful words. Guide him. BE PATIENT. Do you see how I presented it above? Do that, except nicer.... like this...

"Man of my life, I love you. I respect you. I admire you and appreciate the things that you do very much. I really do, and I always will. But I have to tell you that I am bored. Your life is out of balance, and you are not handling your business when it comes to me. If it goes on too long, I will be neglected, possibly become a jerk, and probably leave. Your neglect is unacceptable. Time to make choices, and set priorities. Your behavior shows me that you do not desire me, or value me at an acceptable level. Things will not continue as they are, one way or another. You are trying hard. Time to try differently."

Talk to him like a guy. You can tell him how you feel, but I would keep the emotion to a minimum. If there is too much, he may see you as a stupid, ungrateful ***** who is dragging him down with dumb-*** feelings. This will not inspire him to new heights of love and passion with you. He may not understand all your emotion, but he does understand logic. Marriage is much like a business, with much expectation and duty, and his performance review is not good. See exhibit A, B, and C. Logic. Logic. Logic. No cruelty. ALWAYS speak to him respectfully, even in critique. You start taking shots at him with insults, and you are toast. He will have no interest in stepping up. You want him to be more loving to you... so make sure you are being lovable. It helps.

He knows you could unleash on him, but when you choose not to, he will be grateful, and if he is a wise man, he will be open to correction and improvement. If he is not a wise man, he will end up just like I did.

Alone.