Personal ads anyone??????

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish - 49

Adventurous - Slept with everyone

Athletic - No ****

Average looking - Ugly

Beautiful - Pathological liar

Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure - On medication

Feminist - Fat

Free spirit - Junkie

Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person

Fun - Annoying

New Age - Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded - Desperate

Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate - Sloppy drunk

Professional - *****

Voluptuous - Very Fat

Large frame - Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his ****.

Personal ads anyone??????

ROTFLMAO... and this is sooo bloody true:

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his ****.

Still laughing!

Charles "That Cheeky Lad!"

Personal ads anyone??????

Very good :-)

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bloody hilarious the men,s English is spot on nice one for posting it cheers

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I like, the men's discription describes my hubby to a tee..It was like you knew him...Although you described me too, but we wont go there...FUNNY

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brilliant, you are the answer to our prayers, you know womans minds so well. where did you learn all this.

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Very good lol lol

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Seen it before, but still good.

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nice 1!!!!!!!!!!!

thumbs up from me!!!

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I'm sorry, but the first 3 items belong in another section. Sociology or something. A joke should be humor, not just stating the facts.

Your "And finally...", funny, really funny.

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hahhaaaaahhahahaha

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Have we met ?

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Two thumbs up.

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hilariously priceless love it can't stop laughing!

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My husband and I are killing ourselves laughing over this. He even stopped watching Miss France to read it, well done I couldn't have done that if I stood in front of him nake.....oops wrong. GOOOOODBYYYEEEE!!

Merry Christmas.xx