mens hair: Random Jokes and whatnot v.2?

The perfect man is gentle.

Never cruel or mean.

He has a beautiful smile.

And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children.

And will raise them by your side.

He will be a good father.

As well as a good husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cookin.

Cleaning and vacuuming too.

He'll do anything in his power.

To convey his feelings of love on to you.

The perfect man is sweet.

Writing poetry from your name.

He's a best friend to your mother.

And kisses away your pain.

He never has made you cry.

Or hurt you in any way.

To hell with this endless poem.

The perfect man is gay.

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BLONDIES :P

Why was the blonde's belly button sore? Her boyfriend was a blonde also.

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited.

After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally jsut gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!" The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"

A young blonde lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies. "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black" "Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes." "Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was also a Chinese man in the movie."

At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark."

One day a blonde woman was so fed up with all of the dumb blonde jokes that she decided to kill herself. She took a rope outside and found a suitable tree. She threw the rope over a branch and proceeded to hang herself.

Soon two men came along and asked, "what are you doing?". She replied, "I'm hanging myself." The two men looked at her and said, "well usually if your trying to kill yourself you put the rope around your neck." Then the Blonde said, "Duh, I tried that but I couldn't breathe."

A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade."

But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

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A little boy and his dad are out walking one day when the little boy asks, "Dad, can I get a girlfriend?" The dad says, "When your older."

5 years pass and the boy is 8 years old and he asks his dad, "Dad can I get a girlfriend now?" The dad replies, "When you're older."

5 more years pass and the boy is 13. He asks his dad, "Dad, can I get a girl friend NOW?" The dad finally says, "When you're 18."

When the boy reaches 18 he goes out and gets the fittest blonde haired bird there is and brings her home. She takes him to his bedroom and starts taking her clothes off! In a panic, the boy rushes downstairs and says, "Dad, the girl is taking her clothes off and getting into my bed!"

The father, exited, tells him, "Stick you biggest, hariest thing in her pussy!" The boy rushes up stairs and a few minutes later the father hears his son shout, "Dad, my head is stuck!!!"

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You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this [ice ice _ _ _ _ ]

You remember watching: -Doug -Ren %26amp; Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Cow %26amp; Chicken

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember: -TGIF -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

when everyhting was settled by: -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.

when cops and robbers was a daily activity.

when we played Hide and go seek until our legs grew numb.

when we used to obey our parents

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.

"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

You remember watching: -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.

You remember those Where's Waldo books.

You remember eating Warheads.

You remember watching: -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -3 Ninjas movies.

You remember Ring Pops.

You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.

Oh, oh, oh! and JOSTA!!!

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

. . . Furbies (yes, we hated them THEN, too).

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

And Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.

Michael Jordan was a king.

YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Carebears

Gak was the coolest stuff invented.

Lambchop's song never ended.

The old dollar bills.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .

Before the Internet %26amp; text messaging . . .

Before Sidekicks %26amp; iPods . . .

Before MIKE JONES . . .

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .

Before Spongebob . . .

Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon %26amp; Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

When the spice girls were cool.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkman.

When checking out drawing books and that one book about the rainbow fish from the library was THE cool thing to do.

You had slap braclets!

Way back.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!