For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

IT is iimportant that you understand the language used online today...here are some clues as to what you are reading in the ads:

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49

Adventurous - Slept with everyone

Athletic - No ****

Average looking - Ugly

Beautiful - Pathological liar

Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure - On medication

Feminist - Fat

Free spirit - Junkie

Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person

Fun - Annoying

New Age - Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded - Desperate

Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate - Sloppy drunk

Professional - *****

Voluptuous - Very Fat

Large frame - Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

GW! As Jggly Jugs says, you are a font of knowledge. WHAT would we do without you? I was just going to get my 360 up and running, actually it's up, but as usual, I can never think of what to say about me.

Now I know WHAT NOT TO SAY! Like the song says:- "Just in time, you came just in time", to save my.....

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

You are truly lifting my mood this a.m.! :-)

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

That is wild-love it.

That headache of your must be getting better.

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

once again you have shown yourself to be the font of all wisdom, the object of our dreams and the pain in our necks.

LOL

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

My, my but you're in a strange mood this morning! LOL!

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

lmao. Please stop being so entertaining as I need to switch off and you are tempting me to stay here. In the uk it's lunch time and I haven't even put the roast in the oven yet!

hugs x

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

That pretty much says it all.

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

For future references, I can say that I'm a fun open-minded passionate, who wants a soul mate. You are a great help, Goldwing. THANK YOU!

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

I will add the one I found out about in online dating

Naturist=buck nekkid (this is opposed to naked) Southern Nekkid means the "nasty"

LOL

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

That's the funniest thing I've read on here all week. I think I'll go tell my wife I'm bored and I love her.....thanks!

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

Sure makes me glad I am married and do not have to try and figure out if any of it is true. So funny ]=)

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

A lot of those personal ads need taking with a large pinch of salt.ie Gorgeous attractive adventurous female? so why are you advertising surely the blokes are queueing up?

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

This has got to be THE most informative postings I have ever read -- gonna cubby hole this sucker away for posterity.

nyuk nyuk ;0] --thanks

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

GW,

Thank you for your words of wisdom today. Best laugh I've had all weekend.

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

Lmao THANK YOU..

I now know we're I've been going wrong. I will try to be more clear in future. lol

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

I hope Wally sees this as it might help him decipher modern online dating habits and language.

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

my oh my aren't you full of piss and vinegar today ?!!!!!

keep them coming

i see our "friend" is back -- good to see you !!!

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

What, no humor. Really, very funny.

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

Goldwing! it sounds like you are on medication. I Love your dry sense of humour when you are being serious but today you are absolutely, positively ,hilarious . ROFL!!!

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

You know, laughter is the best medicine.

Sure is a whole lot better than Morphine!

Thanks for sharing the love.

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

Sounds like I need to go look over my profile!..lol

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

ROFLMAO!!! I am single but thanks to personal ads like the ones you mention, I am no longer looking! At least not that hard! But come on be fair, are men really any more honest in thoses things than women?

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

I like bananas.

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

I love this it's too funny thanks for the laugh.